We are all ultimately trying to come home to ourselves. The path however to getting there may not be always be easily traversed or well-lit. We will encounter many obstacles along the way ; challenges in our external experience and , inevitably, the darker deeper confrontations that happen on an internal level. In therapy, I try to provide my clients with a safe and nurturing space where they can address these life challenges, look at their inner struggles and then find the courage to take that next step. What I have found is always true- is that they are all journeying back to the same place-  a space of greater authentic connection with themselves , where the rocks are removed, the path is clear and they know they are home.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I will meet you there” – Rumi

In the 13th Century, Sufi poet and philosopher Jellaudin Rumi put pen to paper and inscribed these words which held so much truth to them they have remained anchored in our communal wisdom till present day. He believed that it would be in his metaphorical ‘field’ , a space where judgement does not exist – that we would meet our true selves and each other. Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers would later come to re-define this as the therapeutic space of ‘unconditional positive regard’ , the sacred space where the therapist suspends all judgment and meets their client with the clarity of compassion. He believed that this was ultimately central to the clients transcendence of their own demons , that in having been brought to the field and tasted the sweetness of home that that client would know how to venture back outside of the therapy room.

The even better news? Science and research today are providing proof around what Rogers intuitively knew – that cultivating a space of true compassion is integral to our healing. On a brain level we can understand this as having a well-integrated brain , sculpted so that it can pool optimum resources to address any challenge that comes it’s way. On a human level, a sense of understanding your story to date, the vulnerabilities you have carried with you and -this is key– compassion for those vulnerabilities .

Instead of fighting with the parts of you that you feel are ‘getting in your way’ – whether it’s your anger, self-doubt or fears – what would it feel like to begin to extend compassion to those parts? When we fight the parts of ourselves we dislike, they often only tighten their grip on us , biting down even harder to defend themselves. So while it may sound counter-intuitive , I believe it is much more effective to send understanding and love to those parts (guided visualisations can be helpful with this) and see what happens next.

In the light of true compassion for yourself, you might even discover you are already closer to home than you thought.

For more on how to overcome life challenges and re-connect with your true self, you can contact Anoushka at anoushka@abehpsych.com.